Catching up to now...waiting to wait

While we are just in the beginning of this whole adoption process....there has already been so many ways I have seen God at work. Once we sent in our pre-application, we were then pre-approved the next day! From there we had to move on to the more lengthy and detailed application, and just a few short days later we were officially approved for 2 countries - Bulgaria and Ethiopia. I had always been drawn to Ethiopia while researching adoption and the different agencies and now that we were approved for that country, I knew it was were God was leading us to. From there we started the orientation packet, more forms to sign and fees to collect. We didn't know where the money for these initial fees would come from and as doors seemed to be shutting, a large one opened and were able to get what we needed to move forward with the next step. During this time I kept worrying about the money part of it all and God kept giving me this verse Philippians 4:19 "and my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus" And he met our needs. God is good!
So we then moved on to getting the forms done and collected for the dossier and starting the home study....I was a mad woman with a check-list...watch out. I wouldn't let a day go by with our some sort of "to-do list" until everything was collected. These past few weeks have been spent waiting for the home study to be written (13 pages about us..whew) and then approved by our agency....we our currently waiting for the final home study report to arrive so we can send it in with our dossier paper work and be put on the waiting list for an infant boy!!
Just the other night I was fighting back the feelings of discouragement about how long the wait for the home study approval was taking, when my phone rang....it was approved in the same day it had been resubmitted with the necessary revisions! I was literally jumping up and down! God has been faithful to remind me that He is the one in control and I am to trust in Him and His perfect timing! So now here we are ....waiting to wait

Ephesians 1:5

"In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will"

How awesome is that! God was the first adoptive parent, He is who began this whole adoption thing in the first place! Adoption is in the heart of God and so I know this is how it has come upon my heart. I am adopted by God through the death and resurrection of Jesus.

And so begins our adoption journey....I can not think back to the exact moment when I knew I felt the call from God to pursue adoption, I think it has always been something God has had in my heart and grew little by little until I could no longer keep the desire inside. However once I was married and the idea of starting a family started coming up, I remember starting to research adoption and different agencies, this was back in 2007. At that time I was only 21 years old and most agencies required for the parents to be at least 24! This didn't stop me from requesting the free information packets they offered and watching the dvd's that came with them. I remember watching the dvd's and just crying and crying, hoping that one day I would have a story like the families on the dvd. In September of 2007 we learned I was pregnant. It was wonderful, those 9 months were full of more ups and downs then I think my entire life has had, but God was there the whole time.
Our son Tyler was born April 29th 2008 and is one of my life's greatest joy's, I do not deserve the happiness he brings me each day. It is amazing. Becoming a parent changes you in more ways than you can ever prepare for. While deep inside I was still holding on to a desire to adopt, I thought that through the birth of a biological child, the desire to adopt would fade...I was wrong! God is funny that way I guess.
I don't remember the date, but I remember the exact moment when my heart busted with such a longing to adopt a child that I knew it was God laying this on my heart, burdening me so heavily that I could not ignore it or keep it buried any longer. I was rocking Tyler to sleep, standing near his crib in the dimly lit room, I could see his face resting between my arm and my chest and the look of pure peace on his face moved me so deeply. All I could think about was how peaceful and content he was safe in my arms, and how there were so many other children out there alone, maybe crying themselves to sleep, never being rocked or sang to...I knew that night, that I could no longer go on as if this desire wasn't there. And so I prayed and I cried and I prayed, I needed guidance on how to bring this up to Matt in a way that he would know I was serious, not just talking about what I wish could happen.
Slowly I began weeding adoption into conversations, talking to him about other families who had adopted, showing him the dvd's I had received 2 years before...and continued praying. I know he must have thought I was crazy, and I'm sure he probably still does, but one night I really told him all God had been saying and putting on my heart.
It was harder than I thought it would be revealing these raw desires I had, but I know he saw that it wasn't something I had just come up with on my own, but rather that God was at work. His reaction wasn't negative, but not really as positive as I had hoped. All he could really say was that he would have to pray about it. I knew I couldn't press him on this, this was way beyond anything I could ever convince him of.
In the mean time I began researching agencies again, this time with new excitement and passion. Little by little I showed Matt what I had seen or read or thought was good about this agency or that agency and tried to let him know about the process as I tried to figure it out too.
And then one night when I thought I had found the agency God was leading us to, I showed him the pre-application, it wasn't long or overwhelming, just basic stuff....and he said "go for it." I remember saying "really?" and being the man he is, he said "I wouldn't have said 'go for it' if I didn't mean it." Once Matt was on board, the devil began to work on me...filling me with new doubts about 'could we really do this, and what about the money!?' But a sister in Christ who had been down this road many times reminded me of the lies Satan will try to tell us when we are in line with what God wants, I shared these doubts with Matt and also what this sister in Christ had said. Then, we filled out the pre-application one night in May sitting on the bed...and oh it was just the beginning!